As I was walking back from a new job I figured I might as well stop by the bank and pick up a direct deposit form. After that simple task was done, I noticed the dollar store sirens singing their song of savings (note: there was no one singing, but I’m drawn to savings… like how sirens [the greek kind] draw in boats).

To start this story off I should probably give a little background info. I live with three other guys, and although we’re all fully grown, we’re not fully mature. So, having just run out of our “Garfield” soap, it was my turn to keep the swine flu at bay. I decided to go to the dollar store and pick up some sudsy stuff!

If you want you can click this to see a higher res version. But please don't tell anyone you did...

I kept walking and a few steps later she turned slightly, this is when the second though came into my head, “Oh, that’s cool! She has a tattoo on her pan– OH MY! She isn’t wearing any pants!” It took me a couple seconds to fully take it in, but once I did, I dared to look and see if she was wearing anything below her waist at all!

She wasn’t. Although it didn’t come to me that quickly… my mind didn’t accept the idea of her just shopping half nude so I assumed she thought her sweater would cover her bum and didn’t need the pants on that particular day. So when I look a bit higher and remarked on how funny it was that she was wearing skin coloured (I’m Canadian, It’s sucks when you go from css coding to english class…) underwear the same day she decided she didn’t need pants. My mind chuckle stopped right as I saw the butt crack.

Yeah, and that’s when I decided this was no ordinary day. This was a day to remember. So instead of walking in and shopping for soap, I decided to grab a seat on the bench to watch how this played out. What was curious to me was why no one behind her in line was reacting to her pants-less outfit… hmm, maybe they didn’t notice?

If I was mature, I would have kept walking and not payed her any attention. If I was mature, I probably wouldn’t have loaded up my phone’s camera. If I was mature, I probably would be the only mature one in that situation.

Our little friend’s stunt was grabbing attention of the store manager. When he walked out I noticed look of frustration and disapprovement and his tone suggested the same when he told the cashier to “not serve her.” My ears perked up, he was the guy in charge and this is the start of what I’ve been waiting for. She was going to be taken out… and I could finally act mature and buy my soap.

The manager walked out and pulled the store phone off it’s clip and up to his ear. His face seemed to change instantly when security was patched through, “You’re NOT going to believe this,” he said, “just get down here.”

I couldn’t hear much when security arrived. Most of it happened too far away from my bench of curious onlookers. But I do remember her saying that they “couldn’t kick her out” she hadn’t been stealing anything! Maybe if she took into account the virginity of little kids’ eyes she would admit she stole a lot.

Go ahead, click the image to make it bigger... yah creep!

The handcuff’s got pulled out and she was slowly persuaded out of the store. At this point people were close enough to allow me to feel like I was in a 3d movie theatre (without the glasses, duh [theater = theatre x American spelling]). With an larger crowd gathering, and the people who were behind her in line FINALLY realizing she has no pants on, the security were concerned about people seeing things they shouldn’t see in public places.

At this point the Mall Manager came strutting over in his expensive suit. He wasn’t impressed! He asked the Dollarstore Manager for a table cloth from his store to cover her up with. The idea of that alone is pretty funny, but trust me, it’d be funny if you were there.

You see, it’s near Halloween… and dollar stores being holiday sluts all they had was Halloween items. So what came out wasn’t a standard tablecloth, oh no, it was a purple one with white ghosts. Can’t blame them for being white… If I had to get that close to her junk I’d turn white too (if not green). I wish I had a picture for you, but the next parts happened very quickly.

She was rushed away claiming she did nothing wrong. In her mind she was wearing shorts, I think. Which I guess just cements my thoughts of her as a crack head. “I’ve never had handcuffs on before, I’m a nice person.” The suit wearing manager replied, “don’t worry, they loosen up after a while.”

No they don’t, no need to be rude! The best part comes in just after she is taken away… When I look back at the Store Manager pressing a button on his phone and then closing it, looking at me and saying “Youtube!” Here’s to you Mr. Manager, I hope you see this and send me your video!

Never-the-less, I got into the store and bought my soap. I went through the same line as the crack-head-naked-crazy-lady to hopefully get a comment on the situation from the cashier. I brought it up… I don’t think she spoke any english… Oh well, I got my (even-less-mature-than-the-last) soap.

Damn straight that says Hannah Montana!

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